I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
