why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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