On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
