we're making bets on your personal life
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
