Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
