I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
