She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
