So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
