I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
