He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
