I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i dont even know how to be here
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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