clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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