He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
