he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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