i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
