apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
