Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
