I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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