im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just had sex bonerless
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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