He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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