perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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