Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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