I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
