did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
