What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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