This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
