Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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