you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
