I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
