Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
