everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
