Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
His hands were made for my vagina.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
