Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
