Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
