i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
