were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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