Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
