New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
FUCK WHALES
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