Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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