let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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