Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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