Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
