nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
