You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
