Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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