And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
