I've blown a few things in my day
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
