Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
