Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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