remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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