I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
