I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
