So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
