hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
